I think I have finally hit rock bottom and I don't think I can come back up this time. When I tell you the reasons for feeling this way you will laugh. They are pretty fucked up. I am not a rape victim, nor am I homeless, I am in university and feel like I am choking. Everything about it, the campus, the smell of the weiner dogs near the student centre suffocates me. The first day of university I wanted to drop out. While all the other first years were eager to join all the clubs, I wished I could drop out. But coming from a middle eastern family, dropping out of university was the equivalent to selling your soul to the devil. When I say university is torture, I mean I feel like I can barely breathe and the pressures of academia are pressing on my chest. Is it worth it? I don't believe it is, but do I have the courage to drop out? No. I have to graduate, I have to make it to grad school, I have to make my mark in society even if it kills me. I am ready to die for my grades and to die because of my grades. My death sentence is my transcript, my self esteem rides on all those marks being perfect. My transcript represents a failure. I am a failure, at least thats what the system makes me think.
